How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
