Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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