I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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