My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hippo gnu deer
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
