Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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