I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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