Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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