your parents love me but you hate me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
