dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
