6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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