The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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