when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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