Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
