Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
