pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Porn is love you can see.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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