went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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