Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wear drunk well.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
