Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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