first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
