So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
