we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
