we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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