Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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