Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
