Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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