some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
