why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
