I wanna passion pit in your ass
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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