Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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