I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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