saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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