I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
