Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
