i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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