I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
