Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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