You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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