dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
