She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
