aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
