it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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