maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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