so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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