i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
