he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
