She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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