But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
