dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Boobs speak an international language.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
