Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
