Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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