just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
