If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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