His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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