He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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