People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
