I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
