Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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