your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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