found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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